Whose Thoughts Are These?
Content Warning: Mentions Suicide
One of the biggest lies I used to believe was that all my thoughts were my own. In my teens, I realized some of those thoughts were the Holy Spirit speaking to me. I might have a thought, like, "I'm about to have a flat tire," and dismiss it as my imagination, only to have a flat tire moments later. Or, I'd be with someone and something just wouldn't feel right; something in my head would tell me to leave, and I would, later realizing it was the Holy Spirit warning me of danger.
It took me much longer to understand that the enemy could do the same thing. I'd hear myself think, "You're not good enough for anyone." Many good, Christian guys asked me out, but I pushed them all away, believing the thought that they deserved better than me. I was never good enough—not for my friends, my family, or even my jobs.
Image courtesy Tenor
II Corinthians 10:5 says to take every thought captive. I've heard this scripture countless times at church and in Bible studies. I understood the concept, but not how to apply it to my daily life and thinking. I tried, awkwardly, to stop and think about what I was thinking about. Sometimes it worked, but often it didn't. I'll admit, I was frustrated and gave up repeatedly. But retraining your brain takes time. I've had four decades of thinking and responding a certain way; it's automatic, like the hands on a clock. But I think Jesus was telling us that we need to pay attention to our thoughts and guard against the enemy's whisperings. Changing how I respond to my thoughts took time and effort; it didn't happen overnight, as much as I wanted it to. It takes discipline, something I struggle with. Many people struggle to take their thoughts captive. If you do too, know that you are not alone.
I know what you're thinking: "I don't have time to stop and analyze every thought." Especially in the beginning, you're right. However, when you have a negative thought, or one that just doesn't feel right, whether about yourself or someone else, take a moment as soon as possible to consider its source: Was it the Holy Spirit, yourself, or the enemy? Some thoughts are easy to identify, but others are not. Some cut us deep and can change the atmosphere around us, even the course of the entire day. I often experienced this at work, where my mind would spiral after just one negative thought. Since I couldn't leave my job, I found ways to create a moment to think and pray. I would go to the restroom and ask Jesus to guard my mind and shield me from the enemy. Recognizing the thought as the enemy's words, I would rebuke it, speaking truth over myself out loud and declaring it a lie. Words have power, so speak to yourself and reclaim the authority God gave you. Other times, I would take a break, sit down with a snack, turn on a worship song, and ask Jesus to reveal the truth about the thoughts I was having. For a long time, I tried to ignore the negative thoughts by staying busy, but I discovered that suppressing them until later was unhelpful. In fact, it became a distraction, building throughout the day until I felt depressed, even suicidal, by the time I got home. I'd be in a bad mood and turn to something other than Jesus. Tucking those thoughts away until the end of the day may be exactly what the enemy wants us to do.
I've found a helpful therapy tool called the Container Exercise. While this isn't meant to replace giving our troubles to Jesus, it operates on a similar concept. The exercise involves visualizing yourself placing a negative thought or feeling into a container, then placing that container in a safe space, like on an imaginary shelf. In therapy, my safe place was under a tree on the church property, right next to the parking lot and an open field. When a disruptive thought or feeling arose, I would take a moment to imagine placing it into a small wooden box with a lid, then placing the box in a hole under the tree. I knew it was safe there and that I could return to it later. This has helped me numerous times when I was unable or unready to process something painful, including negative thoughts. Sometimes, I needed to talk it through with someone to gain another perspective, which can be incredibly beneficial. Hopefully, our friends, family, and pastor know us well enough to identify lies and speak truth over us, breaking their hold. The container exercise works because, instead of holding the thought inside (to which your body physically reacts), you release it externally. The mind is powerful; perhaps that's why the Holy Spirit uses it to communicate with us, and the enemy attacks it, seeking to destroy us from the inside out. Please understand, the container exercise is NOT about burying the lies and pain. It's a temporary holding place until you can process them later, either alone or with someone. Practicing this actually taught me how to hand things to Jesus. My pastor and friends would often tell me to "give it to Jesus," but I never found anyone who could explain how. One day, frustrated, I asked, "How exactly am I supposed to do that?" This exercise showed me. Now, I can visualize what I'm struggling with, call out Jesus' name, and mentally hand it to Him.
I hope this is helpful to you or someone you know. I must add, I am far from perfecting this; it's a constant work in progress as I continue my healing journey. Thank you for reading. I pray peace and blessings over you.
“When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.” John 16:13
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