World Semicolon Day 2024 Extended Version
Trigger Warning: Suicide Topic
Thank you Rodella for the bracelet.
Today is World Semicolon Day. It’s a day to reflect on the ones we have lost to suicide and those who struggle to stay here even today. It is not a warm and welcoming topic. It comes straight from the pits of Hell, but ignoring the uncomfortable can costs us a great deal. Maybe this has not affected your life, praise God for that! I hope it remains that way for you. But for those who remain in the aftermath of such a tragic loss, I pray you can find comfort and peace through Jesus Christ. Suicide is such a tragic loss because often it is preventable. Understanding that suicide is a secondary struggle can help save lives. The enemy works diligently against those who are not coping or healing from previous trauma and pain. Negative thoughts and emotions compound until it feels like there is no other way out. I ask today that you take a moment to say a prayer for the thousands who may awake this day and think to themselves, “I can’t do this anymore.”
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. John 10:10
Personal story: Trigger Warning-Suicide
Suicide can be a roller coaster sometimes. An individual can begin the healing process and seem as though they are doing well. They are doing well, but they are not out of the woods quite yet. I have experienced this myself. After encountering a few years of counseling, prayer sessions, and two deliverance prayers, there have been plenty of times when I felt like I was beating this, and times when I was not. I am currently in that phase of overcoming it right now, and as always, I pray it remains. But the devil doesn't like to lose a soul it can torture, take from the hands of God (if not saved prior to suicide), or even just to have one less Child of God here on earth to spread His word. Sometimes, like other forms of addictions, an individual can "fall off the wagon" so to speak. Behaviors and tools used for counseling suicidal ideation is very similar to substance abuse. As foreign as this may sound, I was addicted to wanting to die. Like the drug addict desperately craving their next high, I desperately craved for death. It is an unbearable battle, because unlike the alcoholic who can go have a drink to take off the edge, the person struggling with suicide cannot do that. There is no place to find relief because you can't just die for an hour or so and come back to life. That's what leads to other behaviors and addictions like cutting, alcoholism, and drug use. It allows the person to numb the true desire. I believe that's what makes suicide even more dangerous. The alcoholic deals with alcohol. The drug addict deals with drugs. But the one fighting suicide is not only fighting thoughts of death, but also whatever substance abuse and/or self harm behavior they choose. That's why it is rare to find someone struggling with suicide to not have other unhealthy and dangerous coping mechanisms. But all of it, regardless of the struggle, begins with unhealed trauma wounds.
To be honest, this is the last thing I want to share with you right now. But I believe Jesus is leading me to do so. On March 12th I tried to take my life by overdosing. I was doing really well and then suddenly I was not. There were factors in the weeks before that led to that point, but like so many others, "I just couldn't do it anymore." Mostly, I was just disappointed to be back in that place again. The lie told me I would never be free from it. Before I could swallow enough pills, I suddenly became very ill and exhausted. It was like a waterfall of pressure came crashing down on me and I couldn't even stand. I fell into my bed and was extremely sick. My mind was confused and chaotic for a while, even in the days that followed. It took me nearly a month to feel back to normal again. Had I continued to swallow pills, I would most likely not be here today. God is not just in the healing business, He's in the rescuing business too. He continues to show His love through the wonderful people who support me no matter what. They don't make me feel bad for my struggle or assume that I am just seeking attention. It is as real to them as it is to me. They love me, encourage me, and pray for me. They live out God's command to be His hands and feet regardless of what kind of day I am having.
For those considering taking their life, I promise you that God loves you and wants to see healing in your life. It is not an easy path, but it is the right one. Keep fighting by taking it one day at a time. And though it is hard to admit and talk about, by doing so you are shining a light on the work of the enemy and that alone brings you relief and healing. Trust Jesus, He will guide you through this and bring you the people you need. Be patient with them because they don't have all the answers and they do still have their own lives and family. Just as you need grace right now, please give them grace too. It will be to your advantage. Don't be afraid to tell Jesus how you feel. He already knows anyway, but talk to Him about it. Be still and listen for His voice. He IS your fortress and hiding place. Remember this is a spiritual warfare more than anything else. It is imperative that you understand that so you can get all the help you need. In addition to counseling, continually get prayer from healthy supporters. Not to discourage medications, because they are important too, but also remember there is no greater medicine than prayer.
Psalm 46:10-11 NKJV
He says," Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Psalm 32:7 NIV
You are a hiding place for me; preserve me from trouble; you surround me with shouts of deliverance. Selah
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