You Don't Have to Be Afraid of Me

-




Disclaimer: I am not a trained professional in the mental health field. I share in my blog from personal experience stories, things I have been taught, or information I have learned along the way. You should always speak to your own doctor, lawyer, CPA, counselor, pastor, etc for advice. The blog is intended to educate and/or encourage you and not be a substitute for professional guidance.


Trigger Warning: Suicide






I haven't always thought about dying, but I also don't remember not thinking about dying. Sounds like it's contradicting, but isn't that the very foundation of suicide? Swirling confusion of irrational thoughts that could potentially end with a radical conclusion. As humans, we have a natural instinct to survive. So how does one end up living against the very nature planted deep within? 


A portion of a final letter- How do you tell your family and friends that their love is not enough to keep you here? How do you explain the vast and deep emptiness you feel inside? It is not a calm and still emptiness full of peace, but a sharp, painful, churning that seems to never end.  


There has been plenty of time in my life that I have thought about taking my life and quite a few days and weeks full of intent. And sadly, I hate to admit, I’ve attempted to take my life three times. The first attempt, I tried to wreck my car (Blog-Sweet Sixteen, Beyond the Curve). The second time I started to pull the trigger of my gun. And the third time, I attempted to overdose. I know, it sounds alarming and it should be. It should be alarming that on average, 134 Americans die by suicide every single day. I believe the two greatest factors that contribute to these deaths are fear and a lack of understanding. Researchers, psychologists, psychiatrists, family members, and friends seek and want answers to this deadly disorder. Researchers continue to study individuals to solve the mystery between suicidal ideation (thoughts of suicide) and suicidal intent (planning & prepping for suicide). In 2021, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 12.3 million Americans seriously thought about committing suicide. 3.5 million planned a suicide attempt and 1.7 million attempted suicide (not including successful suicides which average nearly 50,000 in the U.S. each year). Currently the field of psychology is overflowing with individuals seeking counsel and aid for mental health disorders. With this increased need for aid, counselors on average burn out within a few years. Those struggling often go through three counselors before finding the right fit. For those deep in the suicidal spiral, unfortunately some do not make it before finding that right fit. A friend of mine struggled to keep her appointments with her counselor. Her deep depression made it nearly impossible to get out of bed some days. Because of the rise in the number of clients seeking support, some facilities have established a policy of no more than two canceled sessions. My friend, who was struggling to just function through daily activities, was put on probation for six months, meaning she could not see her counselor during that time. It feels as though the burden of suicidal ideation often falls mainly on the mental health field to help and support those in need, but there remains a lack of understanding concerning the challenges in that field for both sides. Both counselors and clients are in need of support more than ever. And that is just mentioning a few of the obstacles the mental health field faces every single day.


For those closest to an individual who struggle with suicidal Ideation, they often do not have the tools and experience to help them professionally. Fortunately today, there are books on suicide both for the ones struggling and those trying to help a loved one. We are blessed to have the internet, which is filled with information and videos on the subject. As I stated above, I believe the two major external factors that contribute to the increase in suicides are fear and lack of understanding from the world around them. I have heard it myself, “I am afraid I will say or do something that will take you over the edge.” That is a common fear that creates distance between the one fighting for their life and the very people that individual may need for encouragement. It takes a great deal of bravery to admit you are suicidal. There are a number of emotions that come with revealing that truth, like shame, guilt, embarrassment, judgment, and even fear of condemnation. There is a difference between healthy and unhealthy fears. It is important to remember the only one truly affected by this fear is the one struggling with life and death. The enemy, of course, is to blame for this fear. Though it is easy to come to the conclusion that the person struggling with suicide is listening to the lies of the enemy, we must also remember that those responding in fear are also listening to the enemy. As this battle persist for months or even years, imagine how that can only increase the chance of suicide attempts. It widens the window of opportunity for the enemy to prove he is right, “You are too broken to be healed and no one cares if you die”. The most important tip I can give those who are journeying beside someone who struggles with suicide is to create healthy boundaries for your own mental health and if the day comes that you need to step away, be kind enough to have a conversation with them concerning why. They were brave to admit their struggle. It is in that time when you need to be brave as well. Abandoning ship creates a tidal wave the enemy is more than happy to ride in on, creating more havoc and pain in his wake. 


But there is one more group to consider, the church. What research & studies do not account for is the healing power of Jesus Christ. Though hopeless and bound, anyone at any time can be freed from the spirit of death. Jesus is still in the healing business. And though Jesus can heal you instantly of anything, often the slow unraveling process of healing is what our heart and mind needs. There is so much to gain in the process. Like everything in life, gradual growth is healthy. We learn so much about ourselves as we debunk the lies of the enemy and put on the full armor of Christ. A pastor once said to me, “It took you a long time to get here, it's going to take time to heal.” Instant gratification is a very worldly mindset with no positive impact for our soul. I think it is so important to have a good Christian counselor that you are comfortable with and also a prayer warrior who will journey beside you no matter how long it takes. Be sure to attend a Bible based church that preaches the salvation of Jesus Christ. The world pushes enough lies on us, so attend a church that speaks truth. If you’re like me, sometimes praying and reading the Bible is hard. Do the best you can, but also understand that it is a major factor in drawing closer to God. Think of it this way, if the devil doesn’t like it, do it!  I also understand that this battle can be exhausting. Daily life can drain the energy out of you before you even arrive at work (Blog- Spoon Theory). Many times I have forced myself, though tired and depressed, to get together with a friend because I knew I needed to. I didn’t want to stay home alone and listen to the enemy all evening. The devil says, “You’re too tired, You can’t do it.” But God says, “Go ahead, I’ll give you the strength you need.” And that is how we fight this battle. It takes a village of family, friends, doctors, counselors, and the church working together creating a wave of change filled with hope and love. Change is possible. Beginning a new day every single day is possible. Don’t let fear and a lack of understanding come between you and the life of a loved one. 


Psalm 94: 17-19

"If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would soon have lived in the land of silence (death). When I thought, "My foot slips," your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up. When the cares of my heart are many, your consultations cheer my soul." ESV



If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts please reach out for help -

Text BRAVE to 741741 (Crisis Network) 

Crisis Hotline is 988

Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1 800-273-8255



Blog Sweet Sixteen Beyond the Curve:

https://idontbelonghereandlies.blogspot.com/2023/12/sweet-sixteen-beyond-curve.html


Blog: Spoon Theory/ I’m Fine Everything Is Fine

https://idontbelonghereandlies.blogspot.com/2023/09/did-you-say-spoon-theory.html


Suicide Stats & Info:

https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/suicide#


https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/facts/index.html


https://studyfinds.org/finding-right-therapist-mental-health/



Updated 3/26/24

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

World Semicolon Day 2024

-
Image
Trigger Warning: Suicide Topic Thank you Rodella for the bracelet. Today is World Semicolon Day. It’s a day to reflect on the ones we have lost to suicide and those who struggle to stay here even today. It is not a warm and welcoming topic. It comes straight from the pits of Hell, but ignoring the uncomfortable can costs us a great deal. Maybe this has not affected your life, praise God for that! I hope it remains that way for you. But for those who remain in the aftermath of such a tragic loss, I pray you can find comfort and peace through Jesus Christ. Suicide is such a tragic loss because often it is preventable. Understanding that suicide is a secondary struggle can help save lives. The enemy works diligently against those who are not coping or healing from previous trauma and pain. Negative thoughts and emotions compound until it feels like there is no other way out. I ask today that you take a moment to say a prayer for the thousands who may awake this day and think to themselves...
Read more

Depression Doesn't Wear a Seatbelt

-
Image
  Trigger warning: Images & description of car accident In the summer of 1998 I was in a car accident heading to work. I was driving my little burgundy Plymouth Horizon, which didn’t stand a chance against the Goliath RAM truck who pulled out in front of me. In the blink of an eye, my 110 lbs. body slammed against my steering wheel and dashboard. My head hit the windshield in front of me. I remember small glimpses of people driving by and gawking at me as I sat sideways in my car unable to even stand. I was in and out of consciousness. I remember feeling exhaustion wash over me that I had never felt before. I wanted to get up and look at my car and check on the other person, but I couldn’t. My thoughts and movements were now in slow motion at best. I never heard the ambulance arrive, but as the stretcher jolted as they lifted me into the back, my mind woke again. I could hear them talking about me failing to respond. Though I could hear them, I had no strength or ability to ope...
Read more

Intro: A New Journey Begins (updated 3/30/24)

-
Image
People who know me well are always telling me I should write a book because my life has been such a crazy journey. It certainly has been, and I am surprised I am still here to tell it. From being molested as a child, raped as a teenager, abandoned and nearly homeless by my first husband, abused by my second and nearly killed, alcohol and drug problems, major depression, and suicide attempts, just to name a few. It hasn't been easy, but it's also been easier than what some have gone through. I am in no way saying my life has been the hardest. But I can look back now and see Jesus by my side the entire time. I didn't always feel His presence, but that does not mean He was not there. I have often said, "The enemy has been trying to kill me since the day I was born." and I wish that was an exaggeration. But here I am, still kicking and screaming. Along the way, I have believed many lies about myself. I never felt wanted, loved, or protected, which made it easy to beli...
Read more