I Don't Belong Here

I wrote this one separately because it is heavier, but also important to share. Trigger warnings throughout. Back in 2015, I joined Christian Mingle briefly. A man, Isaac, two hours away from me, started chatting with me online. He seemed nice enough, and so we met a few times. On the third date, I met him halfway. We were supposed to go bowling and then dinner, but after the first game, he suggested we go to a park and enjoy the outdoors while we talked. He said it wasn’t too far and that there were always plenty of people around and picnic tables. I was reluctant, but it sounded safe, at least what I visualized in my head. He wanted me to ride in his car, and I kindly but adamantly said I would drive separately. I was following him as we left the city and headed into a more secluded and mountainous area. This was not what I had visualized. Then there was a voice in my head telling me to not do this. But was it the Holy Spirit or just fear talking? I started praying. I asked God that ...

Do you ever get that gut feeling that something isn’t right? Or maybe you shouldn’t do something, but you do it anyway, and it completely backfires? Yeah, I suppose we’re all guilty of that. Don’t be too hard on yourself, being human is a learning process, and oh man does it have a curve!  In my early twenties, I was driving down an unfamiliar road. I was alone, and suddenly I felt like something was telling me that I was about to have a flat tire. I had no reason to believe I would have a flat tire. The car was driving smoothly as usual. I brushed it off as my imagination. About that time, I happened to pass an old gas station. It looked like it came right out of the 1950s with a small service garage attached. Okay, I’ll admit it, I was totally judging by appearances. It looked pretty dirty and run down, and I could only imagine a horror story of some kind playing out before my eyes. But my “gut” told me to stop, and obviously I didn’t. A few miles down the road, you guessed it, a...

Disclaimer: I am not a trained professional in the mental health field. My blog is about sharing personal stories and information I have learned along the way. You should always speak to your own doctor, lawyer, CPA, counselor, pastor, etc, for advice. The blog is intended to educate and/or encourage you and not be a substitute for professional guidance. Content Warning: Suicide I haven't always thought about dying, but I also don't remember not thinking about dying. Sounds like it's contradicting, but isn't that the very foundation of suicide? A swirling confusion of irrational thoughts that could potentially end with a radical conclusion. As humans, we have a natural instinct to survive. So how does one end up living against the very nature planted deep within?  A portion from my final letter: How do you tell your family and friends that their love is not enough to keep you here? How do you explain the vast and deep emptiness you feel inside? It is not a calm and stil...