"Focus On Me" -Jesus

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Trigger Warning- Suicidal Ideation





If you have read even a few of my posts, you will notice I speak about death a lot. That’s because suicide
has dominated much of my life. The spirit of death is a real demon that steals your joy, tortures your soul,
and leaves you feeling so broken you can barely stand being alive. But the spirit of death is not more
powerful than God. I am living proof of that. If God was not more powerful I would have died a long time
ago. You may wonder why I struggled then for so long. That’s because I believed the lies of the enemy
and God patiently waited for me to start believing His truth. I even believed for a long time that it was my
destiny to kill myself. That’s how deep the darkness can go if you let it stay in your life by continually
listening to the lies. But I want to share a story of great joy and triumph. It was just last year when it
happened.

I was under heavy attack, meaning I was having strong suicidal thoughts and fighting against the desire
to take my life in that moment. I laid down in my bed and curled up into a tight ball. I was crying so hard it
was difficult to breathe. Sometimes in these moments I could call out to Christ and He would appear, but
other times I would be under such a heavy attack I couldn’t even have a moment to think for myself. It
was a full bombardment of lies penetrating my mind. I put both hands on my head and squeezed tightly
trying to relieve the pressure. I could feel the demons pressing in on my skull. At deep levels of warfare it
is not just a mental battle, it can be physical too. I was paralyzed there on my bed, unable to fight back.
Then suddenly Jesus appeared next to my bed. He was squatting down to be eye level with me. Another
thought began in my head, “You're never going to-” and Jesus interrupted the demon, “Focus on Me.”
This went on for several minutes. Each time a demon tried to speak to me, Jesus interrupted it by saying,
“Focus on Me.” Over and over again he said it. At one point I started to turn my head to look at the battle
raging all around me. Jesus quickly said again, “Focus on Me.” I could feel the warfare being pushed
back away from me, out of my room, and out of the house. I finally pulled my hands away from my head.
Peace surrounded me. It was over. Jesus has never not shown up for me, whether I called for Him or
not. If He will do that for me, He will do that for you too. I don’t always see Him with my spiritual eyes, but
I can always sense His presence. All you have to do is call out His name. He has promised to be there
for you no matter what. 





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