I Don't Belong Here

  I was never a big fan of school. My favorite part of the day was getting off the school bus. One wintry day, I noticed a large manila envelope sticking out of the mailbox. My heart started to race because I had waited for this big, beautiful envelope for nearly four months. I ran inside the house and with my winter coat still on, I slowly opened the envelope. I paused for a moment knowing how important the letter inside was to me. It was either going to make my life better, or worse. I braced myself for the rejection, but deeply hoped for an acceptance letter. I pulled the crisp, white paper out of the envelope and read the words right there in black and white. The words I had dreamed about every night. The words that would flip my upside down world into something new and better. Finally there was a break in the clouds. I whispered a “thank you” to God before running to the kitchen where my mother was cooking. I had not considered for a single moment that I would not join the pro...

Have you ever struggled with intrusive thoughts? They're the ones that pop into your brain as if they were invited. Everyone has them and most are harmless and just junk thoughts you can discard immediately, but sometimes they can start affecting your life and emotions. Negative intrusive thoughts that persist can do great damage to a person's mental health. It can lead to depression, anxiety, OCD behaviors, self-harm, and even suicide. I am apart of several groups online for these types of mental illnesses and I constantly see people posting about negative thoughts about themselves. A week does not go by that someone does not post, "I will never get better" or "I fail at life, I might as well end it." I can relate to their thoughts and pain. Gaining control of your thoughts is not as easy as making up your mind that you are going to "just think happy thoughts and be positive!" If it were that easy, less people would be dying every day. I believe o...